Be Kind, Rewind

Oh god no please don't inflict us with yet another Jack Black movie. Sure, School of Rock was pretty fun but School of Rock was pretty fun because the children were pretty fun. The bad bit about the movie was where Jack "LOOK AT ME MA I'M MAKING FUNNY FACES AND INSULTING EVERYBODY AIN'T I FUNNY" Black shows up all the fucking time. He has a face that's begging me to punch it in and stomp on it. With a heavy, blunt, metal object. Repeatedly.

Oh well, let's just give the new movie a try... it sounds promising enough on IMDB. Maybe Jack "LOOK AT ME PHYSICALLY INJURING MYSELF AGAIN WITH A YET ANOTHER MUNDANE HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCE OMG I'M A COMIC GENIUS" Black might tone it down a bit and allow the movie to just be a tad bit more enjoya..... ARGHHHH NO!!!!!!111one WHYYYYYYYY!!!?!?!?! WHY. DO. YOU. KEEP. RUBBING. YOUR. POMPOUS. OBNOXIOUS. UNFUNNY. ASS. ON. OUR. FACES?

Well, the movie idea alone was awesome enough and I would've liked it immensely except for a few teeny tiny little details which ruined everything - the people IN it. Jack "LOOK AT ME SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS AND FLAYING MY ARMS ABOUT OMG I'M SO FUNNY PEOPLE WILL FIGHT TO EAT MY UNDERWEAR" Black had to be his usual vulgar crude self and absolutely ruined everything for me. Mos Def was more annoying than a tantrum-throwing kid screaming in the middle of a restaurant. I mean just because he looks like he has a slow-learning disability doesn't mean he has to act like he has a slow-learning disability. I hated him in H2G2, and I hated him now. Somebody please slap him about with a large trout. Take those 2 idiots out and replace them with any other 2 monkeys from a zoo and I guarantee that the movie will blow minds and win awards.

Another thing that really irked me is the randomness, the lack of continuity and the overall sense of pointlessness. Cut stop go okay let's put all these tOh-Tah-LeE FAR-neE bits in every 5 seconds cut stop go throw in some sentimental bullshit cut stop go we need depth let's sprinkle in some depth here and here cut stop go ooh let's not forget some tacky pseudo-moral elements cut stop go ROMANCE! How could we forget that! Cut stop voila! Jack Black movie!

Argh. So not for me - negative million. No more Jack Black movies for me ever, please.

Actually I really want to watch Ah Long Pte Ltd and Spiderwick. _mow?_

Looking forward to so many movies this American summer! Iron Man! Indiana Jones! The Incredible Hulk! The Dark Knight! WallE! Yeay! What are you looking forward to?

I Hate Cats.

Read on RPK today:

"....it does not matter whether it is a white cat or a black cat, the most important thing is that the cat can catch the mouse."

But in reality, most cats do nothing except to eat, sleep, shit, fuck other cats, fight with each other over territory & mates and only layan you when they want something from you.

Nuffnang Pajama Party - I Stole All Your Pics!

My god I've aged. Turning 30 in 2 years, so trying very hard to act my age and stop going for young, hip parties, and camwhoring like a young, hip, kawaii chick. Which also explains the lack of mugshots on this site these days. Erm, sorry? Oh shuddup, I know you're rejoicing. Who the hell truly enjoys looking at pictures of old fucks anyway?

But rejoice no more! For Lo and Behold! I shall unleash the horrors beyond your wildest imaginations and... argh let's just cut the crap. So here are some pictures from the Nuffnang party last Saturday, with hopes that it might increase hit counts, except I think after viewing the pictures the opposite is more likely to happen.


Look at me posing so naturally as if I didn't know my picture was being taken.


FA says hi.


Yee Hou, Simon, KidChan & cute Singaporean bloggerbabe Nadnut. Male bloggers are camwhores too, you know.


Surrounded by hot chicks WOOT! Skyler, Pinkpau and the Nuffies. Did you know that I kissed all of them? It was blogged by one of the Nuffnang chicks HERE. Excerpt:

"Oh, Fireangel was damn funny or maybe probably a genius, when us girls were distributing out Nuffnang money, she came to us, and gave each and every single one a us a kiss on the cheek, then we immediately gave her some moolah already! Hahahahaha!"

Camwhoring with OPTIMUSPRIME ZOMG!


OPTIMUSPRIME ATE MY HEAD ZOMGWTFBBQ!

If your picture has my ugly face on it, please feel free to send them to me. I shall put it up and link it to you appropriately. Better yet, watermark the image first then send it to me. :)

Stolen pictures from:
KySpeaks
Simon
Uncle Kidchan
Uncle Wingz

Rot In Hell, Hit & Run Asshole.

ARGHO$(URQ)@(#*$)(@#*$!!1)@(#*!)(@*#!@(!!!!!

ANGRYYYYYYYY BANGRYYYYY STOMP EAT FURRY CREATURES SMASH SET THINGS ON FIRE BREAK THINGS KILL CUTE LIVING THINGS!!!!

Some asshole hit my car. AND THE BALL-LESS SON OF A BITCH RAN AWAY.

I wasn't even IN the fucking car or anywhere NEAR it so there's no way in heaven or hell or even with David Copperfield's magic could I have caused it.

It was freaking PARKED in front of a house.

With ample road space next to it.

So ample that even a TANK could pass through without a scratch.

But NO.

Some fucking asshole shit-eating lowlife protoplasm decided to just happily crash INTO my car.

In the middle of the fucking night.

For no fucking reason at all.

HIT MY fucking relatively new CAR.

AND DROVE OFF.

And all because of YOU I now have to fucking go through the hassle of getting it repaired, PAYING FOR IT and going car-less.

I AM PAYING FOR YOUR FUCK UPS.

WHAT THE FUCK!@_#)$*)!@(#$*)!@(#$*!@)#(*$ !@()#*$

AND IT WAS A FREAKING BRIGHT ORANGE CAR.

BRIGHT ORANGE. NOT BLACK LIKE THE NIGHT. BUT FREAKING ORANGE LIKE THE FRUIT.

WHAT. WAS. YOUR. FUCKING. EXCUSE?

DRUNK? BLIND? YOUR PUNY LITTLE UNEVOLVED PREHISTORIC SENSES WERE ATTRACTED TO BRIGHT THINGS AND CREATED AN UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO CRASH IT? IQ OF A MOTH? NO LICENSE? WHAT?

I fucking HATE your existence and I will NOT rest until I fucking FIND you. And if I ever see your car (I have descriptions of your fucking car and number plate ASSHOLE) I will NOT hesitate to let go the airs in all your tyres, fucking SMASH YOUR WINDSCREEN IN WITH BRICKS, pour water in your freaking petrol tank, SET YOUR SEATS ON FIRE and READJUST YOUR FACE WITH A METAL BAT.

You have my word on it, bastard.

(and to all you bitches who thought that I will be the one causing accidents - GO FUCK YOURSELVES)

(and I hate all you fuckers who always say shit like "oh women are such bad drivers". Well GUESS WHAT? THIS FUCKING BRAINLESS IMBECILE WAS A MAN. AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE. IT'S ALMOST ALWAYS THE MEN WHO CAN'T BE FUCKING BOTHERED TO USE THE INDICATOR LIGHTS TO FUCKING SWITCH LANES AND SWITCH LANES WITHOUT LOOKING AS IF THEY OWN THE FUCKING ROAD. SO GO FUCK YOURSELVES UP THE ASS WITH A VACUUM CLEANER.)

(And in other news - Nuffnang party was fun eventhough it made me feel (and look) like a hundred years old. My sister's 2 years old hamster died last night, and we buried it in the garden - RIP. Happy monday)

(One more thing - DROP DEAD ALREADY YOU CHICKEN SHIT HIT AND RUN BASTARDCHILD)

Have You Met My Friend, Bill?

I met Bill through another friend who was once, if I was not mistaken, trying to go after me (either that or he was just being nice to me like any other civil human being would and being the single, desperate, longing for attention spinster that I was, read too much into everything).

We'd go out once (twice.. even thrice..) a week, where all of us would meet and party, and drink, and dance and have a fucking great time. We'd go yumcha. Go karaoke. Mostly clubbing, though. Eventually my friend disappeared and Bill took over his role as the group social co-ordinator. Not a week went by without an invitation by Bill to join the gang to wind down after a long week at work, or to take a break in the middle of a work week, or to celebrate whatever the occasion that needed celebrating.

Bill would call me "eh, tonight on ah?", to which I would almost always say "Hell yeah!". Or even when I wasn't in the mood for it (busy swimming in the cesspool of self-pity and depression), Bill would literally drag me out anyway.

Most of us were single. So in between spilling drinks, inhaling too much secondhand smoke, singing along to cheesy pop songs, hugging each other and telling everybody how much we love them - we still had time to bitch about singlehood, baggages, exes, relationships, complications with relationships.... all the heart-to-heart gory shit congregated single, sad, jaded people always talk about. We were there for each other whenever somebody needed a shoulder to cry on, a drinking partner, or even an ear to burn, to pull your hair back while you puke into the sink, got caught for drunkdriving and had to stick around the balai until the sun rose - we went through all that shit together.

When drunk, Bill would sometimes lament about being girlfriend-less. We'd talk for hours in the car. On the way to a party, or home from a good night out. Why. Why. Why. And I'd always tell him, wait. Wait. Wait. She will come.

And one day, she did. And suddenly, poof. He was gone. Just like that. No warning. No nothing.

The last time we met it was one year after. When I asked him why he hasn't been in touch after so long he said "I've found the one. I told myself I don't want to do this partying thing anymore. It's just not right anymore lah...."

What? Just like that? I don't hear from you no more? You're pussy whipped!

"Well, she's a girl. I don't want to cause any unnecessary trouble or heartache or make her sad - even though you and I were just really good friends.. You know lah girls. They are sensitive creatures mah.. have to take good care of their hearts. And you know how close we were right, we were like brothers."

Exactly dude. BROTHERS. That's almost gay. What gives?

"You're still a girl mah. No girl would really be okay with her guy being so chummy with another girl. Besides, I love her and I don't want to hurt her. Just to be on the safe side, you know? You're a girl, you understand right?"

You didn't exactly left me with a choice bro... but that's terribly sweet of you.

"Just trying to do the right thing for her. Do good by her. Make her happy. I'm her boyfriend mah. It's my duty and I'm happy to do it. :)"

And one year later, he tells me they bought a place together and I'll be summoned for his wedding at the end of the year. Bastard.

Bill is not the first guy who ever ditched me for his girlfriend. It really sucks being that girl that gets dumped after your good guy friend finds that missing piece of his heart.

I used to have a huge problem with this though. I'd be all "What the fuck? Why? You fuckers treat me like a guy and now suddenly a girlfriend appears and you realise that I'm a freaking girl and it's not okay to be friends anymore JUST BECAUSE I'm a girl? Where the fuck is the logic in that? Where is the trust? Do I stink? Why? What? Fuck! Bullshit!". Then I'll withdraw from the world into my shell in a lame attempt stick it to the man for all of life's biasness and injustice. Losing friends? Just because they were in a relationship? I refused to freaking accept that.

But now that I'm older, wiser and more mellow, I actually understand why he did what he did, or rather, I'm no longer in denial. I'm a girl. I know how it works. I've always known that the dynamics of girl-boy friendship will change (no matter how platonic) when the guy enters into a real relationship which he really gives a fuck about. It just happens, with or without his girlfriend having to tell him. And as a friend, I respect him enough to take a step back and let him be. Naturally I get upset for a bit afterall the foundation of a friendship was not built in a day. In time, I let it go, be extremely happy for him, wish them both the best and accept that we'll never be that chummy again.

Fuck when I think about it now, I even feel a slight tinge of envy for that girl. She must be really something to him to want to so willingly do things like that JUST for her. He must really want things to work. He must really love her.

I'm so happy for you bro. You're a good person and your girlfriend is the luckiest bitch ever. And if she (heaven forbid) ever breaks your heart you know you can always count on me to be with you as we drown your sorrows in pools and pools of liquor. :P

Lull Before the Storm.

Wow. I think we overdid it.

Now they have 4 years to prove that they are worth it!!!

Nothing left to do but sit back and watch.

Updated (17/3/08):
Not that I'm not happy the opposition won, I am very happy they did - though I only wanted them to win more seats, not take over states. but I guess we can't control these things. I just don't think they can RUN a state because the only thing they have ever really done is to ride on the ruling party's fuck ups. And they all have their own separate party agendas. It's going to be tough for them to work together now after years and years of competition. And to see what's happening now is kind of worrying - it's been more than a week and they still can't even get started with the endless bickering and their efforts to propagandise their own agendas. WTF please get your act together lah, got power already don't know how to deal with it is it? Stop being racial. We are Malaysians. The people voted for Barisan Rakyat, not fucking Barisan Cina. It's not worrying only us, the people who voted for them, but also outsiders as well. This is called doing a better job than the ruling party? Please lah, the ruling party's gonna take all this bullshit and wipe it at our faces man.Tak tau malu ke?

I Did It.

I voted!!!!

I made a difference!!!!

DID YOU?!?!?!?

Now just stay home. And stay calm.

Edited:
- fucking 14 boxes from fucking nowhere? some bloody tactic from 4 years ago? FUCKING RECYCLYING SHAMELESS CHEAT TACTICS NOW IS IT FUCK YOU LAH!

-and what is this I hear about some fucker who lost marginally and after recount suddenly win by 5k votes?

- malaysiakini.com domain has been suspended by registrar because of excessive queries. access to the site available via http://malaysiakini.takizo.com/index.php for the elections news page or http://malaysiakini1.takizo.com/ for the news page

What Are They Trying To Say?

Check out NST page 3 and 5 today.

Page 3:
A big picture of children - all smiling and happy. Waving and wearing their jalur gemilangs. And in big fonts: "Their future is in your hands"

Page 5:
Screams out "only one choice". Lots of blue.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I read the ad as "Choose blue, or we'll kill your children"

-_-

See you at the voting station tomorrow!

And Just Like That, It Was Flushed Down the Toilet

So they buy 47,000 bottles.

For security purposes they say.

Splashed it on every headlines of every newspaper.

Paid over RM2,000,000 (and OVER could mean anywhere between RM2,000,001 to infinity) for those bottles using, I'm pretty sure, OUR tax money.

And then apparently it was sabotaged.

So scrap the plan they say.

Then you read on, and you find out that the super-duper ingenious technology of inking your fingernail to prevent frauds was merely proposed. Which means it's still on a "not sure whether we're going to use it yet" basis. And yet they went ahead to buy over RM2,000,000 (RM1.5 billion?) worth of it anyway.

So now what? What they going to do with the ink which they bought with our money? Flush it down the toilet?

Then scrap already means what? No other methods of making sure that the elections is going to be clean and fair? That was it? That was the best thing they could come up with?

Fuck lah. Tokkok, spend our money, and in the end always no solution.

Memang boleh.

Braces - I Want.

Hi all,

I want to get my teeth fixed. I don't buy all that bullshit like you don't need it lah, beauty comes from within lah, don't waste 4 perfectly good teeth, lah, it's not going to be worth it lah, you're going to go through hell for a year, your crooked inverted front teeth makes you unique lah, it's gonna show up in pictures lah etc etc. Fuck all that "things your mother would say" shit to hell.

Maybe next year with even more funding I could even get a boob job and there shall be world peace.

I digress.

Question - where can I do it (teeth job lah not boob job, faggots) for good and at an affordable rate? I'd like to have the type of braces where it matches your teeth colour. The porcelain(?) sort, not the ones with silvery metal pieces. I need recommendations, please. Feel free to leave a comment or email me with details on:

1. where
2. how much
3. related experience with recommended dentist
4. contact details of dentist

It goes without saying that I will definitely take pictures.

Thanks a million!

Much love and all that lovey stuff,
FA